POLITICALLY INCORRECT ABSURD SOMALISTAN

Hamesso Boroda


Soldiers of the Somali Islamic Court Union banned Mogadishu residents from watching the World Football match and r
eportedly moved from house to house to check if people were listening to music which, according to the Courts, is un Islamic. Not that many houses are standing in shell ravaged and war torn Mogadishu but the self declared soldiers of Allah are undeterred in their zeal to turn Somalia into a boring Islamic State.
 

As usual, these retrograde elements got their support from none other than George Bush who, listening to the self serving advice of Ethiopia’s Meles Zenawi, armed and supported the notorious warlords, the same pests who had ruined Somalia by waging a bloody clan war, to form a so called anti-Terror coalition. Which prompted a dozen or more disparate Islamic groups to unite and chase the warlords out of the capital and out of Jowhar. And now, the same Bush has been forced to call for talks with the Sheikhs who redden their beards with henna and stiffen their hearts with hatred for all and sundry. The Bush blunder and the emergence of the Islamic Courts as winners (some of the groups in the Union consider Bin Laden too moderate) have once again proved that Somalia is still a trailblazer. It showed in the past that a country does not need a State to continue in the African way of misgovernment, poverty and chaos. Who needs a State when you can have the evil trappings of the State without one? The Somali experience was being studied avidly at least in the Horn of Africa, and even in central Africa now, as more and more people realized that without a State they can just have it as bad. As if this big discovery is not enough the Somalis have now shown the world that Allah also prefers a Stateless and barren place. The victory of the Koran citing Islamic Union over the US backed warlords surely proves that Allah is in Somalia and he is on the side of the anti-Americans. 

This has serious implications for Bush who is close to claiming, like former Ugandan dictator Idi Amin, that he has a direct line to God. Of course, a number of serious questions arise. If Allah is not, as Bush asserts, with the Taliban and the Zarqawis in Iraq, but is on the side of Somali fanatics who do not cringe from declaring death to democracy, does it mean that Allah prefers Stateless places? Does the color of the beard matter more than having the beard itself? If God or Allah is with bearded fanatics who ban music does this mean that God is not really and actually with America? If God does not trust those who like to say, “in God we trust”, what will be their future? According to inside reports, Iraqi insurgents are decided to make Iraq Stateless so as to get the support of Allah and be victorious.  The same could be true in Afghanistan. Even Chadians, Sudanese and Congolese (the latter are not in their majority Moslems) are now learning from the wisdom of being Stateless and getting the sympathy of Allah. Of course, there is the assumption that Allah and God are one but this may turn out to be a presumption at best. Washington may not like the Islamic Courts but they resemble the fellows America put in power in Afghanistan and Iraq. The ones who sentenced someone to death because he converted into Christianity, the ones who want to turn the rights o women back to zero minus. The Somali fanatics are planning to stone to death some people accused of rape. Somalis who are routinely flogged and beheaded in Sharia- ruled Saudi Arabia would for sure stay out of their own country if their red bearded sheikhs win complete control. This is indeed a worrying fact for Europe and America who want to keep refugees out. 

The situation has also revealed another American discovery– a creature called secular warlord. There we were attacking the Somali warlords as clannish murderers and destroyers worthy of a genocide trial when lo and behold we were told firmly and unequivocally that these warlords are actually secular and thereby cool, kosher, “fréquentable”. So much so that they became friends of America and benefited from Washington’s support and backing to attack the Islamists alleged to be Al Qaeda allies. Some of these notorious warlords were guests of American ships in the Red Sea and some others flew to Ethiopia where Bush’s regional lapdog, Meles Zenawi presides over a wobbling regime. The sudden respectability of butchers is actually consistent with US politics if we look back to dictators embraced by Washington. But what is a secular warlord? Polite, tolerant, non- Moslem or just plain pro American if we forget the fact that warlords dragged an American Marine corpse through the dusty streets of Mogadishu? Al Turki, Sheikh Hassan and some other leaders of the Islamic Courts are not only itching to launch a war against Ethiopia over the Ogaden but they reportedly want to eliminate Osama Bin Laden for being a moderate, a softie. If the new interlocutors of Bush, meaning the Islamic Courts, consider Bin Laden a moderate who are they really? Pests or public order militants? And where does this leave the newly baptized secular warlords? More seriously, if one is secular one can commit genocide or what? I shudder to imagine millions of Somali males with henna treated beards left free to wreak havoc in the Horn. America discovered the Somali Bantus, reportedly oppressed by the “racist” light skinned Somalis (are the Hawiyes who make up the Islamic Courts not black?) and took most of them to the USA (just like the so called lost children of Southern Sudan) and is now courting “reasonable” and “secular warlords”. More revelations and discoveries are to be expected. 

As the Horn of Africa slides into more chaos (so, what else is new?), Bush is confronted by the Somalia conundrum on top of Iraq and Afghanistan.  There are as yet no secular warlords or armed groups in Iraq and Afghanistan. The CIA could create some if need be. Secular Zarkawis could be a find. At the end of the day if Washington can talk to groups who consider Bin laden too soft why not imagine the possibility of America again playing ball with the Al Qaeda leader. Why not indeed? The Afghan and Iraqi regimes put in place by America may not use henna on their beards but they share most of the values of the Islamic courts in Somalia. The situation is becoming confusing. Can Bush cope? Moslem warlords who are secular but still genocidal, Islamic Courts that are more fundamental than Al Qaeda but still worth talking to, democrats in Afghan who sentence a person to death because he dared change his religion, Bush has his hands full. For a very intellectually challenged fellow, Bush is in a serious mess with the Somalistan situation. Not to mention Darfur. Not to mention those in the Horn and the region trying desperately to go it the Somali way–chaos and Statelessness. If the assertion that Allah favors such states becomes true then the proliferation of Somalistans (with Bantus, secular warlords, and fanatics who ban TV and music) may be the New Order of things in Africa for the coming decade. May Allah have mercy on all of us poor souls who are against the superpower but sill love music, TV and hate henna colored beards

Published in: on August 10, 2006 at 7:48 pm  Leave a Comment